People don’t generally come to therapists saying, “I need assertiveness training.” What they say instead is, “I feel like a people pleaser, people walk all over me, I don’t know how to say no, I don’t know how to stand up for myself, people don’t respect me, I don’t know how to set boundaries, I don’t even know what my opinion is on things.”

Regarding its distribution amongst the general public, assertiveness is considered a leadership trait. By definition, we have more leaders than followers, biologically. Therefore, it is not equally distributed amongst the public. On a social level, it is also not taught in school. There was never a class on assertiveness taught in grade school or college. The closest thing would have to be a negotiations class a person could take through some sort of sales training. Maybe. Or perhaps a police foundations component may emphasize the importance of assertiveness.

Does that mean that people are stuck not being assertive? No, but they are limited to an extent. Assertiveness is a sub-trait of extraversion (along with enthusiasm). If a person scores low in assertiveness, it doesn’t mean they are incapable of being assertive. Instead, it means that it is more energy taxing. I often say to people, “Work on your assertiveness, but don’t make a career out of it.” You want to have the skill there in your back pocket, but don’t pick a career that requires its use on a regular basis. Why? It’ll exhaust you. Leave those careers for people who naturally have an inclination towards assertiveness because it is less energy taxing (and in many times it is energizing) to them.